The Victoria’s Secret Annual Special is the greatest program of its kind. Ever. How does that work, exactly? Well, there’s a certain type of television program that rounds up a series of beautiful women and parades them in varying stages of undress for your ogling, grateful eyes. It falls under the category of a Prime Time Annual Special, and Victoria’s Secret do it right.
You’ve probably heard about the big one from Sports Illustrated, with their Swimsuit Special, in which we easily ignore frivolous information about the photographers in order to glimpse those stunning models, just there, playfully rolling around in the sand.
Ostensibly, this special is about the famous, event-worthy edition of the otherwise sports-focused magazine, and makes a big deal out of the selection of its cover model, too. But it’s really just about nicely filmed, beautiful women and bikinis and thank you very much as we are quite happy with that. Or so we thought.
Then there’s VH1’s Fashion Rocks, in which we ignore both interchangeable fashion designers (not so hard, that) but also things we would normally find cool, like David Bowie, in order to see beautiful models paying tribute to the idea of a fashion show. It just happens to be a fashion show broadcast in prime-time with various artists playing live songs in the background.
This one is also (ostensibly, once again) about a heady mix of rock and fashion, but really it’s much more about the higher speed at which the models walk out onto the catwalk (possibly due to the thrill of live music and a massive audience), which makes them look more exciting, happier (and thus sexier), but also of course draws a ton of attention to their heaving, bouncing chests. It must be said that this show is also quite fine for what it is.
Finally, though, there’s the queen of all specials, the extended catalogue advertisement miraculously turned into annual prime-time special, yes, you know the one: a great big old commercial for the lingerie line/store known as Victoria’s Secret. There’s just no other special like it.
I can’t think of another product that gets its yearly offerings advertised in such a high-profile, flashy way, but then again there’s a fine reason for that, gentlemen. Here, then, is the ultimate TV special devoted to literally angelic-looking babes with very little clothing, and what clothing remains is only designed to make us think of what’s underneath. Nope, it’s not like the other specials–no information about why this photographer likes a particular depth of field, or why that band goes well with this designer’s forward-looking spring lines.
No, no, no–this is all about a wonderful mix of red and black and white colors, a maelstrom of burlesque, of smiling, big-breasted, bouncing gorgeous women walking towards the camera in bustiers and teddies and oh dear god is that some kind of modern-style combination push-up-bra/corset? And will my girlfriend/wife/special friend be willing to wear it?
These and other pressing concerns on the issue of cup size, nipple coverage, angelic wingspans, and how incredibly sexy this whole sort of boudoir/burlesque theme can be when attached to a buxom, glowing, curvaceous model with smooth skin and smouldering features, yes these (and these alone) will occupy your mind while watching this happily over-the-top spectacle that is exactly what it purports to be and nothing more. Beautiful women modelling rich, full lingerie in glorious HD.
If the Victoria’s Secret Catalogue was your adolescent Playboy substitute, let this TV special do the same for whatever porno-y video offering your older self was thinking about watching, but which would only spoil the whole surprise, the whole mystery, the whole great amount of sexiness that comes from dressing up stunningly tempting women in this stuff and not needing to watch them take it off because, well, damn, this is more than sufficient, thanks.